Beanie Babies – Your 90s Stock Portfolio

You were told these would be worth a fortune one day. That was fake news.

Bop It – One More Round

A children’s toy somehow engineered to feel like an emergency.

Furby – Your First Unsettling Roommate

It learned words, made noises at night, and absolutely did not respect bedtime.

Polly Pocket – Before Everything Got Bigger

Tiny houses. Tiny people. Massive emotional investment.

Power Rangers – It’s Morphin’ Time

Colour-coded heroes, giant robots and absolutely zero need for realism.

Super Soaker – Hydration, Weaponised

No such thing as a friendly water fight.

Tamagotchi – Please Don’t Die During School

A tiny pixel creature somehow demanded your full emotional availability.

Ninja Turtles – Pizza, Ninjas & Mutants

No notes. The concept was flawless from the beginning.

WWF Figures – You Booked the Matches

Your bedroom floor hosted more title matches than Madison Square Garden.